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<title>In The Flames, or The Adventures of Davos and Melisandre by Ashesintheair</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24751735">In The Flames, or The Adventures of Davos and Melisandre</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashesintheair/pseuds/Ashesintheair'>Ashesintheair</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire &amp; Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, I Don't Even Know, absolute crack, pure silliness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:21:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>566</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24751735</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashesintheair/pseuds/Ashesintheair</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack fic featuring Davos, Mel, Stannis and a lobster in the starring role. </p><p>Davos is a practical man and isn't cut out for a life in which a red sorceress features prominently. </p><p>The lobster? This isn't even his final form.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In The Flames, or The Adventures of Davos and Melisandre</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Davos rarely had good news to deliver to his king and was impatient to deliver the latest raven - before the latest missive turned to shit in his hands.</p><p>“Where’s Stannis?” he demanded of Melisandre.</p><p>The red woman did not turn from her fire.</p><p>“His Grace is here, Ser Davos.”</p><p>Davos sighed. He was getting too old for all of this. Stannis should have picked a younger man to be his Hand. Someone who had wit enough for Melisandre’s games. He could only speak plainly and bluntly.</p><p>“I don’t see him, my Lady.”</p><p>She turned, resplendent in red, as always, her eyes burning with an intense fervour that Davos had never seen before.</p><p>In her hands rested a lobster.</p><p>It was a big lobster, one of the largest Davos had ever seen. It rested placidly in her arms, its blue body dark against her pale fingers.</p><p>“Stannis? You’re telling me that’s Stannis?” He struggled to believe it for a moment, but quickly recalled the birth he had witnessed beneath Storm’s End. He had seen many strange things since this war had started.</p><p>“It’s his final form,” crooned Melisandre, rubbing her cheek against the crustacean’s back.</p><p>Davos could say nothing, only stare at her in mute shock. Could a lobster sit the iron throne of Westeros? Even if he was Azor Ahai, the people would never stand for it. Though surely even this beast - Stannis, he kept telling himself - would be better than some of the recent encumbents.</p><p>“Can he talk? Can he communicate? What do we do now?” When he found his voice again, the questions wouldn’t stop.</p><p>“He is Azor Ahai. The flames are his home now,” Melisandre said reverently, refusing to give a direct answer. It was one of many qualities that infuriated Davos.</p><p>Before he could move, before he even knew her purpose, she tossed the lobster into her brazier, apparently convinced there may be some further transformation at the kiss of the flames.</p><p>The lobster turned pink.</p><p>“See how our King changes colour,” she breathed.</p><p>“You fool!” You’re cooking him!“ Davos seized a claw but it came away in his hand. He barely registered the heat of it. She’s right. Stannis is Azor Ahai, he thought to himself abstractly.</p><p>He stared in shock at the dismembered claw, at the roasting body in the brazier. <i>Stannis is dead. My Lord is dead and what is there left for me now? </i>He tried not to think how delicious Stannis smelled.</p><p>"Stannis…” His voice was broken. He felt like a lost child.</p><p>“What is it, Ser Davos?”</p><p>At the sound of the sharp voice, Davos fought tears of joy and resolved never to doubt the red woman again.</p><p>He looked intently at the lobster. “Lord, I have news from the South.”</p><p>There was a hand on his shoulder and he looked full into the face of Stannis. Actually Stannis. Not a lobster or any other crustacean.</p><p>He handed Stannis the message in silence.</p><p>“What’s this?” Stannis asked, gesturing at the brazier.</p><p>Melisandre was looking back and forth between Stannis the man and Stannis the lobster. There was disappointment in her gaze, and perhaps something approaching sheepishness.</p><p>“Lady Melisandre was just cooking a little supper, Your Grace,” Davos said, a slight edge to his voice.</p><p>As soon as Stannis turned his back, he mouthed a further, silent message to Melisandre. <i>Let us never speak of this again.</i></p>
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